i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
