you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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