I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
