If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
