Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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