Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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