so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
