I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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