Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
