so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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