Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
