I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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