Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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