The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
