remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
