why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
