I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
