I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
