I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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