So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
