I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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