Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This beer is not sobering me up at all
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
