Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
