fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
