My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
