i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
