just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
