At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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