Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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