Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
