I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
