Please, let me fuck your mom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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