Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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