a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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