Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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