hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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