dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
