Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
