Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
