Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
