Got a toothbrush?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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