so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize