Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
