I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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