This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
