Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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