Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
