Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
