yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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