i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize