is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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