You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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