You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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