I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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