I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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