I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize