We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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