so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
