she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
