Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
