Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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