btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
