if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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