SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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